Friday, March 2, 2012

Real Housewives of Hell's Kitchen have the X-Factor


This afternoon, our guest blogger Alan learned that X-Factor USA is about to hold auditions for its second season. Struck with inspiration, he immediately e-mailed us:

"I think the RHOHK should become the next hot boy (gurl) group. I think this is the perfect opportunity for you to share your gift of song with the world. I'll do your PR for free (not that you'll need it). I'm thinking your first smash hit should be titled 'He Got Them AIDS.' It'll be a love ballad of gay life in Hell's Kitchen. I mean the song will basically write itself."

X-Factor Auditions. THIS IS OUR CHANCE.

Instantly, we each realized how genuinely perfect this concept was. Here's a sampling of the e-mail thread that ensued:

Liam: I like this idea! I'll be the pretty one that can't sing - just like Posh Spice!
Andrew: *Practices Aguileravocals*
Shaun: I love this idea! We could be like The Pussycat Dolls. I can be Nicole, and you can all be my backup dancers. 
Andrew: Well Shaun, since half of your dancers have more #1s than you, I'm down with that!
Steven: BOOP! 
Alan: Oh, and on top of being your publicist I am also going to be your tour manager. I'll make sure to keep you all skinny by mandating group vomiting after all meals and lines of cocaine the size of rulers before every show.
Liam: Oh look, someone caught our Manager, Alan Tanner, on video....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUqSBtp5XVM
Anthony: I don't mind being the Effie of the group. I'll just carry u bitches on my back until I'm offered a solo contract with Sony/Interscope. Bye Letoya and Latavia! 
Steven: Well I'm CLEARLY Kelly Rowland.
Peter: Yes Steven, you are clearly that basic bitch...
Steven: Basic my ass....Fuckin' trick-ass Michelle Williams. 
Peter: At least I've had a number one album......on the gospel charts.
Steven: Commander. BYE WIG!
Liam: We could be like Girls Generation and just be really big in Asia.
 
Then again, as much as we all want to believe that we'd be an amazing group, our music (and tour bus) would probably just be a lot of this: 

video

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