Guest Blogger: The Things I've Learned from the RHOHK

Editor’s Note: The RHOHK are happy to welcome our first guest writer to the blog—Alan. Alan is a fellow Hell’s Kitchen resident. A former brothel owner, Alan recently gave up his flourishing career to pursue his true passion--a job in the adult film industry. Alan is now the president and founder of Pint Sized Productions, a studio specializing in little person pornography. 

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As a frequent visitor to the set of the RHOHK (and as the significant other of one of the resident housewives), I've learned and observed many things over the last few months. At first glance, most of what happens on the set would appear to many as being nothing more than the happenings of a group of (mostly) functioning alcoholics who do nothing but get drunk, make rude comments and obsess over recording artists of little or no fame. But to some, the subject matter of which is observed actually lends invaluable life lessons to any self-respecting gay man. I felt compelled to bestow the lessons I've learned on the rest of the world... and thought there was no better place to do it than on the RHOHK blog. Enjoy.

Lesson 1: Taboo Topics are Fun (and appropriate) to Joke About

 

To many functioning members of society such taboo topics such as sex, race, and AIDS are off limits while in a public setting. However, I've learned that such topics should be openly and widely discussed at all times when small children, impressionable people (tourists), and/or when other gays are in ear shot. The banter only promotes the widespread agenda of the gay left... and educates those less fortunate (straights and people who do not live in NYC) on the ways of the world.

Lesson 2: Vodka is Necessary to Sustain Life

Many scientific studies have been published on the negative effects of binge drinking and have branded alcoholism as a bad thing - but now I know differently. 

Now I know that vodka is an essential element of a gay man's diet. The volume and speed of which it is consumed only brings on the desired effect... which, if you don't know, is diminishing all traces of sobriety. Life is much more fun with a buzz.

Lesson 3: Makeup and High Heels Aren't Just for Women

 

Cultural norm leads us to believe as young men (read: trannies) that using makeup and wearing high heels is only reserved for those with God-given vagina's. HOWEVER, gender stereotypes be damned, as I now know that makeup is an essential part of any respectable outfit, and that high heels are not only fun, new accessories, but also can serve as appropriate footwear for when flaming about the apartment. 

Lesson 4: Cuntiness = Affection

 

Prior to my time spent with the housewives, I expressed my affection by saying loving, uplifting and positive things to the people who were important to me. Luckily, I've learned that is NOT the way to express feelings of affection or love. In order for gays to TRULY know you love them is my making snarky, rude and/or incredibly cunty comments to the one's you love. This is the only way.

And there they are ladies, the four lessons I've learned. I know you all must be dying (probably from AIDS) for this post to end, but I only have one more thing to say. 

Although the RHOHK are outrageous, undeniable drunks (who also happen to be helplessly gay) I must say that they are some of the funniest, most welcoming and love-able boys in the world and I feel so lucky that I can witness their antics and publicly shame them on their own blog.

Honorary Housewife,

 Al