A Gay Roommate's Worst Nightmare

There are many things that us gays have to live in fear of. Leaving the house without properly blending our make-up. Forgetting to cover up that hickey our hideous drunken GrindR hookup left last night (who still does this?!) before a work presentation. Offerring to bottom and then realizing that your trick has only the cheapest possible lube available.

But nothing is quite so horrific as when offensive things lurk into your very household. A queen deserves her palace, does she not? Recently I have had the severe misfortune of landing a terrible gay roommate in the house I live in. He seemed so normal at first and we had a vacancy to fill mid-lease...but all too quickly did his tacky, ill-mannered true self rear its quite ugly face. A seemingly humorless and friendless disaster of an individual who is unable to hold his alcohol, (Cardinal Sin #1 in the gay community. If we wanted to hang around low-tolerance obnoxiousness, we would go to a straight bar!) he sloths around my abode with nary a good quality in sight. I thought it was a terrible situation...until I realized just how bad it could get.

About a week ago, my other roommates and I received an e-mail about decorating our living room. Granted, our house is in desperate need of decoration. Between a lack of commitment to living here for more than a year and a general financial lack of well-being, it has simply never been properly done. In fact it more closely resembles a college apartment closing sale than a place people live, not helped by the natural fixtures and walls of the house being hideously dated looking from the start. However, there is a difference between natural ugliness and ugliness created on purpose. Allow me to show you what this new person would like to do to our plasticky, white walls.

Hey guys,

I am thinking of jazzing up the living room with some removable dot decals on the walls.

Do I even need to continue? You want more? Here are the graphics!

Yes. I am afraid it is true. This person believes that this is an appropriate way to decorate a house. And don't get me wrong. I have seen circular decorative painting used effectively. But decals are the Britney Spears of decorations, and never would any of this look even half-way decent on almost shiny white walls. Naturally, my first reaction was to forward it on the the ladies in HK to get their feedback. Some choice replies:

Anthony

Peter

"that is a tickety tack tranny mess.  ask him if the faggy-ass decals include a special gift of a 9mm handgun, or perhaps Russel Armstrong-grade rope so he can off himself shortly thereafter..."

-The Ever Charming Steven

So now that we have established that I may be living on the very precipice of gay hell, I will now be taking donations via PayPal to move to Hell's Kitchen ASAP. Your help in this matter is greatly appreciated.